10 Tips For Reading At A Funeral

Someone reading at a funeral makes an important contribution by helping to honour the deceased. You also offer comfort to the mourners.

For many this will be a challenging experience. Here is some advice on what to keep in mind.

1. Choose meaningful material

   Think about the loved one who has died and look for a passage that suits their personality, their beliefs or their interests. Prose is easier to read than poetry, particularly if you have little experience in reading out loud.
   The material does not have to be serious. Some humour at a funeral can help everyone to cope with their grief.

2. Practice and prepare

   Rehearse your reading out loud multiple times before the funeral. You don’t have to memorise it, but you should be very familiar with it.
   Use a printed copy of the reading, which you can mark beforehand. Use a bigger font so that it is easy for you to see it.
   Be clear about the phrasing, so that the words make sense. Note where you should slow down or pause.
   Knowing the piece well will help to settle your nerves when you get up to read at the ceremony.
   Rehearsing also helps to prepare you for the emotions that the passage and talking about the deceased will bring up.
   If you are using a microphone try to practice with it before the funeral. If there is no microphone, be sure to practice projecting your voice. This does not mean shouting, but rather placing your voice so that those in the back row can hear you.
   Also try to warm up your voice beforehand, by humming and doing a couple of speech exercises.

   

3. Take your time when reading at a funeral

   Remember that the listeners might not have heard this reading before. Reading at a moderate pace allows the meaning of the words to sink in.
   Speak clearly and vary your pace and pitch in keeping with the meaning of the words.

4. Connect with the listeners

   Make eye contact with all the people in the room. Each time you look up from your reading glance in a different direction, so that everyone feels included.

5. Be guided by the celebrant

   The officiant conducting the funeral will be able to offer advice on your choice of reading. Send her a copy beforehand, so that she can time it and decide on when it should be read during the ceremony. If you find that, half way through the reading, you just can’t carry on, she can stand with you and read with you or she can take over and finish the reading. There is no shame in this. Everyone will understand how emotional the occasion is, particularly if you were close to the deceased.

6. Personalise the reading

   You can make changes to the text to make it more appropriate to the deceased. You can also set a context before you start reading, explaining why you chose that particular passage.

7. Respect the tone of the event

   Show business people will tell you to “read the room”. Acknowledge the style and atmosphere of the ceremony. However, your role in reading at a funeral might be to change the mood. You might bring in some lightness or more seriousness after a section where people have been laughing at an anecdote. Always be respectful of the wishes of the deceased and the bereaved family.

8. Keep it brief when reading at a funeral

   Check with the celebrant as to how long she has allocated to your reading. It is better to have something short and impactful. When a reading at a funeral is too long the attention of the listeners begins to wander.

   

9. Prepare for emotions

   Expect the ceremony to be filled with a variety of feelings. You might be well prepared and not have become emotional while you were practicing. However, on the day your emotions may suddenly rise. This often happens when you see loved ones who are visibly upset.
   Stop and breathe. It is alright to show your emotion. Then, once you have calmed yourself, finish your reading.

10. Take care of yourself

    Try to get a good night’s sleep beforehand. Have a light meal before you leave. Avoid dairy products, as they might clog up your vocal chords. Some experts recommend eating an apple to help clear your throat. Drink plenty of water, rather than tea or coffee. Too much caffeine could make your nervousness worse. If you are used to a gentle tranquiliser such as Rescue Remedy take some if you need to.
    Have throat lozenges to suck, so that you voice is clear.

Vanessa Bower at Wordways Ceremonies creates and conducts non-religious funerals, memorial services and celebration of life ceremonies. Contact her today to discuss your needs.