You might be planning a wedding or have recently got married. We all have expectations of what our lives are going to be like after we’ve got married, but quite often real life does not measure up to our dreams at all. Life isn’t always like we see in the movies.
Part of the problem might be that we were so involved in planning the wedding, that when we wake up after the honeymoon our lives seem to have no goal, we are not working towards something any more.
So now we need to spend some time discussing what we want to do for the next few years, setting new goals for ourselves as a couple, as well as discussing our dreams and ambitions as individuals.
If we have agreed that we are going to have children (which should have been decided before you got married!), how long are we going to wait?
How are you dealing with finances between you? Are you happy with the arrangement that you have, in terms of who pays for what? Are you working towards buying a home together? Money is often a source of stress in a marriage.
You might have lived together before you got married, so you hadn’t really discussed whether anything would change once you have that legal certificate. Couples invariably find that things are a bit different, sometimes for the better, but not always.
How much time you spend together might be an issue. When they’re not at work, some people want to spend every minute with their partner. This isn’t always a good idea. You each need to develop as an individual and you might also want time with your friends. You also need time to pursue your own interests and hobbies.
Sometimes you might feel that your partner is being selfish and not putting you first. Well there are times that his or her needs are greater than yours. She or he might even be unaware that you are feeling overlooked or distanced. You have to find a way of discussing your feelings in a constructive way.
Communication is key to everything in any relationship and this holds especially true for a marriage. In most cases your partner is not psychic, you need to tell each other how you are feeling and what is troubling you when an issue arises. The more you can talk early on in your marriage, the longer the marriage is likely to last.
All relationships go through rough patches. That doesn’t mean that your marriage is on the rocks.
You might find it helps to talk to your closest friend about it, rather than have a blazing row with your spouse. In talking though the problem, it helps you to gain a clearer picture of the situation. An outside might be able to point out things that you had not considered.
When you do discuss the problem with your partner you might want to try the fifteen minute rule: you each get five minutes to speak uninterrupted, followed by five minutes of joint conversation. Then do something completely different together.
You have probably been told that marriage is hard work ~ now you are beginning to find out what this means. The work is in the compromise, the work is in the respect for each other, the work is in never forgetting what made you love them in the first place.