Many people choose to be cremated, so the bereaved need to think about how to plan an ash scattering ceremony.
The bereaved receive the ashes in a box or an urn and can then decide in their own time what they are going to do with them. (Check inside the box before the ceremony, as sometimes the ashes are in a plastic bag. The bag may be sealed in some way. Open it beforehand, to prevent a hold up in the ceremony.)
In some cases the deceased will have left instructions as to where the ashes should be scattered or interred.
Places where ashes can be scattered
People mostly choose to scatter ashes at a place that was important to the deceased. Often it will be an outdoor site. If it is a public place you might need to apply for a permit.
For example you may scatter ashes on Table Mountain or in the Kruger National Park, but you have to apply in writing to Sanparks for a permit. You will be directed to a designated area by the relevant staff. You may not leave behind a receptacle and your ceremony should not affect other visitors.
Scattering outdoors
A sports stadium is likely to be private property and it is unlikely that you will be given permission to scatter ashes on the field.
You would be able to do so in a park or forest, but be respectful of other people who are using the facility.
Another way of returning the ashes to the earth is to bury them in a garden. You can also use a large pot where you can plant a rose bush, a shrub or a small tree. You could provide flat stones at a memorial ceremony and the mourners could write on them. Once you have placed the ashes in the pot and planted something, the stones are then placed around the plant.
The deceased might also request to have the ashes sprinkled on a grave or family plot in a cemetery. You will have to get permission from the cemetery manager to do this and might have to pay a fee.
Water ceremony
People often consider a ceremony at a river or at the sea, if the deceased loved to be near water. There is something symbolic about the water carrying away the ashes and the bereaved will feel closure after such a ritual. You can use a biodegradable container for this purpose and let the waves carry it out to sea, where it would sink. It is common to throw fresh flowers or petals onto the water at the same time.
A biodegradable container will not damage the environment.
If you are standing next to a river or the sea, be careful of the direction of the wind when you throw the ashes, as you don’t want them blown back into your face.
The same caution applies if you are standing on a high place such as a mountain or even a tall building and you want to cast the ashes into the air. There are often unpredictable updrafts of air in such places.
When you choose any outdoor site, bear in mind that the weather can affect your ceremony.
Burying ashes
There are walls of remembrance at crematoria and some cemeteries, as well as at some places of worship. At some crematoria they refer to this as the columbarium. You may hold a small ceremony to witness the placing of a receptacle containing the ashes in a niche. There is usually a fee for this facility.
You can also hold what is called a trenching ceremony in your own garden. A hole is dug and the ashes are placed in it. The family and friends then fill the hole. You might dig the hole in the shape of a heart or in the initials of the loved one. Flower seeds can also be planted in that spot.
A ringing ceremony entails digging the trench around a tree or even a statue.
The Ash Scattering Ceremony
Regardless of where the ashes are cast, this provides a special opportunity to conduct a ceremony. This includes having music and perhaps singing, choosing readings and having someone speaking about the departed loved one.
The ceremony can be as formal or casual as you wish.
As with any funeral or memorial ceremony, your choice of music should be in keeping with the musical taste of the deceased. If the ceremony is held outdoors you need to plan some sort of portable music player. A cellular phone is useful, but you will need amplification of some kind. A live performance will also make the ceremony memorable.
There are many poems and pieces of prose to choose from. Remember that they don’t have to be sad or solemn – humour helps us to cope with our grief.
Instead of a eulogy, you can ask those attending to share their memories of the person whose life they have gathered to celebrate.
Wordways Ceremonies offers a variety of non-religious ceremonies, including an ash scattering ceremony. Get in touch with Vanessa today to discuss your needs.