In any ceremony, the stories matter more than anything else. Often, after a funeral or a wedding, I hear people say “It was lovely to be reminded of their story.” The stories are what we remember long after the tears are dried and the confetti swept away.
When people are asked to speak at a ceremony, one of the first things they often say is, “I’m not very good at public speaking.” They worry about finding the right words. There is anxiety about getting emotional. They worry that their speech won’t sound polished or memorable enough.
But when I create ceremonies, I’ve found that something else matters far more than a perfect speech: a good story.
Whether it is a funeral, an ash scattering ceremony, a wedding, a vow renewal or a baby naming, it is the stories that help us connect with the person or people at the heart of the ceremony.
Stories matter more because we remember them
Think about the things you remember about someone you have known and loved.
You may not remember the formal description of their personality. You may not remember exactly what they achieved or where they worked. But you probably remember the story about the time they did something completely unexpected. The family holiday that went slightly wrong. The first date that didn’t quite go according to plan. The phrase they always used. The childhood escapade that has been told and retold.
These are the details that bring people to life.
At a funeral, a story can reveal the person behind the facts in an obituary. When you have an ash scattering ceremony, a shared memory can make the occasion deeply personal as family and friends say goodbye in a meaningful place.
At a wedding or vow renewal, stories can remind everyone how a relationship began, how it grew and what has carried the couple through the years.
And at a baby naming ceremony, stories about the anticipation of the baby’s arrival, the drama of the birth, the first meeting or the hopes and dreams of family members can help create a sense of belonging from the very beginning.
You don’t have to be a great speaker
A ceremony is not a public-speaking competition. In fact, the most moving contribution is often not the most polished one. It may be someone speaking from a few handwritten notes, or telling a story they have told dozens of times before.
There might be a wobble in the voice. Sometimes there’ll be a pause while someone gathers themselves. There might even be laughter halfway through a sentence. That’s okay. Those human moments are part of what makes a ceremony genuine.
As a celebrant, I can help with the structure and wording. I can take a collection of memories and turn them into a coherent ceremony. I can help someone decide which stories are appropriate and how they might be introduced.
Nobody needs to stand up and deliver a flawless speech.
Small details can tell big stories
Sometimes the most revealing stories are about things that seem insignificant.
A favourite saying. A particular meal. An embarrassing first date. A family tradition. A habit that drove everyone slightly mad. The way someone greeted the dog. The song that always got played at family gatherings. The little ritual that belonged only to a particular couple or family.
These details may never appear in an official biography, but they can say more about a person than a list of achievements ever could. They also give other people something to recognise. The guests or mourners may hear a story and think, “Yes. That was exactly them.”
That moment of recognition is powerful.
Stories can include the complicated bits
Telling someone’s story doesn’t mean pretending that life was perfect. People are complicated. Relationships are complicated. Families are complicated.
A meaningful ceremony doesn’t have to turn someone into a saint, or a relationship into a fairy tale. It can acknowledge the reality of a life or a journey while still focusing on what matters. Sometimes a story that is slightly awkward, funny or unexpected can feel far more authentic than carefully polished words.
The same applies to weddings and vow renewals. A couple’s story is not just the romantic highlights. It is the ordinary days, the challenges overcome, the shared jokes, the unexpected adventures and the reasons they have chosen one another again.
My job is to help bring the stories together
When I prepare a ceremony, I spend time listening. I ask questions. I encourage people to tell me about the person, the relationship or the family. Sometimes one answer leads to another memory, and suddenly we have a story that nobody had thought to include.
I then look at the different contributions, readings, music and rituals and consider how they can fit together. The aim isn’t to create a performance. It is to create a ceremony that feels true to the people at its heart.
So, if you are worried that you don’t have the perfect words, don’t worry too much about perfection. Share the story with me or tell on the day.
Tell me about the person who made you laugh. Fill me in on how you met. Tell me about the moment you realised this was the person you wanted to spend your life with. Tell me what you hope your child will know about the family they have been born into.
Those stories are the raw material from which meaningful ceremonies are made. Because perfect speeches may be impressive. But stories are what people remember.
Vanessa from Wordways Ceremonies will help you carft the bst stories for your ceremony in Gauteng.