Planning funerals for mixed-faith families can be problematic. Families often include people with many different beliefs ~ and that is respected. However, the death of a loved one in a family where more than one faith is followed can cause tension in an already fraught situation.
A non-religious funeral
Vanessa from Wordways Ceremonies has been called on more than once to create and conduct a non-religious celebration of life ceremony. The focus is on the kind of person the deceased was. We tell the story of their life. The celebrant describes their achievements. We highlight the effect they had on other people. Mourners share loving anecdotes.
On one occasion, the family chose readings from the different religious scriptures. In that way each group felt that their beliefs were included.
At another funeral, members of the family recited a well-known prayer from their religion and the ceremony closed with the chants from another religion.
Additionally, families choose a non-religious venue such as a civic hall for the ceremony.
A ritual common to many faiths
Another approach is to look for some aspect that is common to many religions. For example, most beliefs incorporate the lighting of candles in their rituals. The family will ask the celebrant to read out the intention with which they light each candle.
As an illustration, the following are two different examples.
“The first candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is as intense as our love for you.
The second candle represents the courage to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, and to live our lives fully as you would have wanted.
The third candle we light in your memory; the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry towards each other, the silly things you did, and the caring and joy you gave us.
The fourth candle we light for our love. We light this candle that your light may always shine.
The fifth candle we light for hope; that you will live on through us, never to be erased from our memory; that your life continues to make a difference in the world. We love you, we remember you.”
At another ceremony Vanessa read this as each family member lit a candle:
“His wife will light a candle for eternal love.
Each of his children will light a candle:
one for his honour,
one for their grief,
one for his peace,
and one for their strength.
His grandchildren will light a candle for:
remembrance,
acceptance.”
(Obviously, Vanessa used their names.)
Closing thoughts on funerals for mixed-faith families
A non-religious funeral creates a respectful, inclusive space where everyone can gather without feeling uncomfortable or excluded. We focus on shared remembrance, not shared belief.
Mixed-belief families may learn more on Wordways Ceremonies’ website about rituals that they can use to honour their loved one. Understanding your choices in advance can make difficult moments a little easier.
Contact Vanessa to discuss a non-religious celebration of life ceremony in Gauteng.