Acknowledging the anniversary of death of a loved one can bring a flood of emotions, memories and renewed grief. These milestone days hold significance in our healing journey and provide an opportunity to honour those we’ve lost. While there’s no single “right way” to mark these occasions, finding meaningful ways to acknowledge the day can offer comfort and connection.
Understanding Anniversary Grief
The anniversary of a loved one’s death can trigger a renewed or intensified experience of grief, often leading to a range of emotional, physical, and behavioural symptoms. These can include intense sadness, shock, denial, numbness, anger, guilt, but also sometimes relief.
Remember that these reactions can occur even years after a loss and may catch you by surprise. Being gentle with yourself during these times is essential.
Meaningful Ways to Honour Your Loved One
Personal Rituals
- Visit meaningful places: Their resting place, favourite park or a location that holds special memories.
- Write a letter: Express thoughts, updates on your life, or feelings you wish you could share.
- Light a candle: Create a simple ritual of remembrance by lighting a candle at a specific time.
- Look through photographs: Set aside time to revisit memories through photos or videos.
- Wear or carry something of theirs: Acknowledge an anniversay of a death by wearing a piece of jewellery, clothing item, or personal belonging.
Creative Expressions
- Create memorial art: Paint, draw, craft, or compose something that represents your relationship or feelings.
- Plant something: A tree, flower garden, or even a single plant can symbolise continued growth and life.
- Cook their favourite meal: Honour them by preparing and enjoying a dish they loved.
- Make a memory box: Gather items that remind you of them in a special container.
Community and Connection
- Share stories: Gather with others who knew your loved one to exchange memories and stories.
- Volunteer for a cause they valued: Honour their passions by contributing to something meaningful to them.
- Host a memorial gathering: This could be formal or casual, religious or secular, based on what feels right.
- Establish a tradition: Create an annual ritual that friends and family can participate in together.
Acts of Remembrance
- Make a donation: Support an organisation that was meaningful to them or connected to their values.
- Post a tribute online: Share memories, photos, or thoughts on social media if it feels comfortable.
- Create a scholarship or award: For longer-term memorialisation, establish something in their name.
- Complete a project they started: Finish something they were working on as a way of honouring their legacy.
Supporting Yourself Through the Day
Plan Intentionally
Consider in advance how you’d like to spend the day. It’s important to have a plan, which can provide structure during a potentially difficult time. Decide whether you prefer solitude or company, quiet reflection or active remembrance.
There are even guides available online for downloading to help you cope with the day.
Practice Self-Compassion
Grief doesn’t follow rules or timelines. Give yourself permission to:
- Feel whatever comes up without judgment;
- Change plans if needed;
- Take breaks from grief if it becomes overwhelming;
- Decline invitations or requests that feel burdensome.
Seek Support
- Connect with understanding friends or family: Reach out to people who acknowledge your loss.
- Join a grief support group: Sharing with others who understand can be profoundly healing.
- Consider professional help: Therapists specialising in grief can provide valuable guidance.
Honour Your Unique Relationship
Your way of remembering should reflect the unique bond you shared. There’s no universal approach—what matters is finding what brings you comfort and connection.
When Others Don’t Remember
Sometimes friends or family may not acknowledge significant anniversary dates. This can be painful, but often reflects discomfort rather than indifference. Consider mentioning to close friends that the date is approaching and explain that you might be withdrawing from company during that time.
Moving Forward While Remembering
With time, anniversary days often evolve. Many find that acute grief gradually transforms into more gentle remembrance. The goal isn’t to “get over” your loss but to integrate it into your life’s journey.
Acknowledging the anniversary of a death honours not just the person you’ve lost, but also your ongoing relationship with them and the impact they continue to have on your life. In remembering them, you affirm that love transcends time and death, remaining a profound force in your life story.
Remember that whatever way you choose to mark this day, the most meaningful tribute is one that authentically reflects your relationship and brings you a measure of peace.
Contact Vanessa at Wordways Ceremonies so that she can help you to create a fitting tribute in remembrance of your beloved.