You can plan your own funeral if you wish. This is the first of two articles which will give you points to consider in setting out your wishes for what should happen after you die.
I acknowledge that in some traditions it is not for the deceased to make these choices, so this is aimed at people whose customs permit more options.
Even if you are religious and most of the service will be laid down already in liturgy, in most cases you can still choose the readings and make a list of the music or hymns that you would like played and sung.
Advantages of planning your own funeral
There are many advantages to planning your own celebration of life ceremony.
In this way, you can be sure of getting what you want. Recently a friend was unable to attend a funeral of her dear friend. When she saw the programme later she was most upset that they had not sung the deceased’s favourite hymn. We can’t presume that family members know that sort of detail, so write it all down beforehand.
Also make sure that more than one family member or close friend knows where you have stored your list of wishes.
This also prevents arguments amongst the bereaved. This is a stressful enough time for your family and friends and by stating what you want, you make their job that much easier.
This exercise is not only for the elderly or very ill. We know neither the day nor the hour when we will die. Many young people lose their lives in accidents. Criminals and diseases like cancer or TB do not respect youth either.
It doesn’t mean that the list is cast in concrete ~ you might alter it as you get older or as your priorities and wishes change.
Plan your own funeral details
Perhaps a good place to start is to indicate that you wish to be cremated or buried, if that option is available according to your religion or family customs. If you want to be cremated, state where you want your ashes to be kept or scattered. Maybe you don’t have a strong affinity with any particular place. In that case you could ask that the bereaved scatter them in a place that reminds them of you.
If you want to be buried, state where.
There are a few places in South Africa where you can have a natural burial. The grounds are often conservation areas and there will be a small stone marker or tree planted to indicate your grave. The coffin will preferably be biodegradable and no embalming will take place.
If you would prefer an urban cemetery, investigate whether there are plots available where you would like to be buried.
Give some thought to the coffin that you want. If you want something as simple as a pine box with rope handles say so. Your family must ask for a “Jewish coffin”. Or you might want a coffin made of cardboard or other ecofriendly material.
If you want a religious funeral make a note of who you would like to conduct the service and where, if you don’t regularly attend the same place of worship. A recent experience saw the wife and daughter of the deceased arguing heatedly about which rabbi would be suitable ~ rather make the choice for them.
State your wishes in writing
Put it in writing if you want to have your coffin present at the service, depending on the conventions of your religion.
If you are not religious, there are non-religious celebrants who can conduct a funeral ceremony for you. A celebrant can meet with you while you are still alive to discuss all the options. Wordways Ceremonies offers this service. The alternative is for the celebrant to meet with your family after you have died. He or she will then create and conduct a ceremony according to the wishes of the deceased.
Wordways Ceremonies offers a variety of non-religious ceremonies, including celebrations of life. Get in touch with Vanessa today to discuss your needs.
In a future article, we’ll be looking at what goes to make up a funeral ceremony. You can choose the music, the readings and other elements that will make a fitting celebration of your life.